So I was watching American Addict, a documentary about how the U.S.A. uses most of the worlds RXs, and I just face palmed so much. A woman was furious about the death of her son.
"He said he had hurt his back and that he was taking it because his back was hurting.
Oxycontin and roxi...codone, and um....... somas?
All prescribed at one time. ((said super fast))
And this doctor was prescribing him medication fuuur an illness he didn't have.
He kinda lost his... ...his drive if you wanna say...?
And I went to work, and about probably like ten o'clock, I don't even, the day is just a mess for me. {sniff} I get a call... and it's my mom.
She says, "Something's wrong with Joseph. I went to wake him up,{pause for emotional breath trying not to cry.} and there's this stuff coming out of his mouth."
And I yelled at my mom. I'm like, "Why are you calling me? Why aren't you calling the, you know, the paramedics or something or something?"
And I ran out of work. I left work... and I prayed all the way home... Tried to bargain with God... No bargaining with God... {small sad laugh} I got here...
No Paramedics.
Only police.
And so he was gone.
And... from what the coroner says is... he only took one pill. He took one pill... and his body couldn't handle it anymore, and he went to sleep, and he didn't wake up. And I guess they found out that, well, maaybee it wasn't just my son. Maaaybeee there's others. So they started doing their own undercover work.
They went in there undercover, and how easy it is to walk into a doctor's office.. and say your back hurts, "my neck hurts, my leg hurts,"... um...{shakes head} and get a prescription for a drug that is really for people with, like, cancer or something that's very, you know, a very severe illness."
You know what, my legs and back hurt, and I really could use some of those drugs they give cancer patients, you know why? I went to the E.R. a couple weeks ago because I collapsed in my own home on the floor... in front of my front door... My legs had stopped working! (again)
I didn't even have my cell phone, which is deactivated but it can call 911, which with wifi I could get on Skype and maybe get someone to come over and help me. I thought about trying to crawl out of the house and into the street. As soon as I began to drag myself a few inches pain that was already bad seared like hot iron through my spine and down my legs and radiated out into my back. I screamed as quietly as I could manage.
It took an hour for someone who is renting another room in the house I live to happen to come downstairs and find me. I was still unable to move my legs, but I had moved about three feet closer to the door.
He called 911 for me. He was also kind enough to retrieve my cellphone and keys. Paramedics came and took me to the ER, yet again. I've been to that ER because my legs have stopped working several times. Most of the other times I have gone against my will. I had been trying to take a walk, then my legs gave out, and after being on the sidewalk for an hour some good samaritan calls 911 to come help me. Because I can't get up and walk they would strap me to a board and then haul me off to the hospital.
So at the ER when I was taken off the board I was in so much pain I screamed so loudly not only did I damage my voice for about four days, but apparently the entire ER and more actually heard me. I usually never can scream very loud, but that was extremely painful. My blood pressure showed just how much I was hurting clocking in at 144/106, and I take a blood pressure medication to lower my BP because of my constant pain.
The doctor decided to give me 2mg of Dilaudid, and against my better judgement I didn't ask for them to only give me 1mg instead of 2mg IV. They set up a saline drip, and I contemplated. The very first time I got Dilaudid it was 2mg and I was like OMFG I never want 2mg again, it was way too strong. It was right after a doctor herniated my disc to 1cm right into my spinal cord. Yeah it helped the pain, but I didn't like the way it affected my mind. But, I was actually in more pain at that moment a couple weeks ago, so I let them give me the 2mg.
I felt high, I hated it, but the pain went down enough that my screams of pain soon only became sobs and whimpers. The doctor went to me and asked me how he wanted me to help him, and I explained that I collapsed closing the door after a friend left, I just wanted to go upstairs to my room and rest. It took another 1mg of Dilaudid to let me sit up, still in a lot of pain. 3mg of Dilaudid for me to still be in quite a bit of pain, but enough to grit and bear it, so I could climb the stairs of my house and go home. So I did.
What is wrong with the medical system that so many people get drugs and treatments for bullshit things, but yet I often suffer collapsing in public because of pain. Since that vsit in that ER I got to see a pain specialist. They are not prescribing me a single pain medication. They did offer to prescribe like one pain med... ibuprofen (generic for Advil). Yeah.......
So now because I am technically in "pain management" no other doctor will give me a pain medication. My pain doctor won't give me anything for pain. My pain is severe and just going untreated and affecting my mental status by often making me have suicidal idolization because it is that severe... Just to escape the pain.
At the end of the month I am going to be homeless. Remember those walks I would take? I am going to have to do that every day, but now when I collapse, I won't be able to go to the ER, a doctor there told me that I cannot go there any longer. It was after I fell on the stairs on Saturday. Yes, I fell on stairs, hurt my back, went to the ER to get checked out, and if I fall ever again I cannot go there for that reason. So if I collapse in public, I have no idea what will happen when the paramedics come and try to force me to go there. Shelters don't let you stay there during the day.
Also not being able to rest EVER, not even a single day a week, the pain is going to compound so severely, I don't know what will happen to me physically. It is highly possible that I could have a heart attack, but I will have to see. If I did I would sort of be happy to die that way and for my father to find out. He has 2 houses, and he has denied me any assistance, even small financial. I honestly wonder if he would care.
I love the way the medical system is set up.
So about that documentary, I wrote them:
"I used to work at CVS pharmacy as the lead Pharm tech, so I dealt with patients a lot, usually because there were insurance issues, or because I often handled customer service or handling people well. I have seen pain change people over time, and I have seen narcotic drugs, varying from CV, the lowly abusive kind, up to the CII the highly addictive and abusive kind like morphine or hydromorphone/Dilaudid, change people. My manager's husband developer fibromyalgia and I saw him first change from pain, and then the pain killers made him an addict. But then over 3 years ago I was in a bad car crash, and hurt my back. I am in constant severe pain 24/7. I need to take something like oxycontin or dilaudid every few hours to stave off the pain, not to rid it, STAVE it off. My back and the three main neural pathways down my leg, radiculopathy/sciatica, never goes away. I had to go to the ER after I fell and could not get up because my legs occasionally stop working due to my spinal cord having been damaged. It took 3mg of IV dilaudid to make me stop screaming. I was given 25 norco That was 3 weeks ago, and I have 18 norco left. I don't have any other pain killers, because I have Medi-cal and I have yet to see a doctor for pain. Addicts choose to be addicts, it is very much a choice. You can resist taking extra pills, it is very easy, you are just pathetic if you cannot resist it."
My father married an ex-addict, and she got him heavily involved in Narcotics Anonymous. I know that me saying that addicts choose to be, and have ability to change it, and that it is the furthest thing from a disease ever probably will piss people off, but I stand firmly behind it because I have gotten a heavy taste of those highs that people want to get, and felt that sweet feeling from those hard narcotics. Just because chocolate cake tastes delicious doesn't force you to eat the entire cake at once until you get sick. I have had the cake, and I am fine eating it in moderation like you are supposed to.
